(I asked Chief Ibikunle Odunlani,a Spiritual Leader,Polygamist in Miami,Florida to write a series dealing with the Role of the Black man in Polygamy and how to treat all the wives fairly without favoritism. This is the first article.)
POLYGAMY AND THE MAN AND HIS WOMEN
BY CHIEF IBIKUNLE ODULANI,MIAMI FLORIDA
This is in response and solution to the problem:
A man must have confidence within himself and be secure with his surroundings. If he, the husband or even the wife have the insecurities of sexual nature or uses material possessions to sustain their relationship then the relationship will spiral downward.
UNDERSTANDING POLYGAMY IS THE FIRST STEP TO SECURE RELATIONS
There have been many discussions about the polygamous society of the Yorubas. If we are to understand the ancient traditional society, we must rebuild or reorientate our thinking and not to substitute the dictionary meaning of polygamy. We must also address the social conditioning of 400 years of separation from traditional values.
Firstly, this system isn’t a excuse for sexually promiscuous relationships, be it instigated by male or female. It is a system of developing the family.
In our contemporary social conditioning, we view things on a worldly or physical level and cannot see the important of “spiritually caring” for each other. Conditioned men use the term, polygamy, to sexual exploit the mothers of their children without respecting them. We find that in traditional society it approved of the multiple wives system, provided it was done in the open and not to the detriment of others. “Without lies or deception”. Most relationships in this society begin with deception and then we sit back and wonder why we cannot have an enduring or secure relationship. Traditionally, there was also a multiple husband system, for a wife was free to leave her husband to take residence as the wife of another man, especially if the first failed to make her fruitful, but it had to be a clean break and in accordance with the custom which did not impose sanctions through the medium of high divorce fees or slander. This is not to be judged as adultery, which is not accepted in the tradition, but the right of the person to receive truth in relationships. Adultery is quite a different matter. This was a contract between God and man, in which any individual culprit necessarily and automatically involved in society-as the organic unit of which that individual is an integral part-in “a crime against the gods such as adultery such society became responsible and the punishment of the gods would be meted out, not simply to the people involved, but to society as a whole. Again it’s necessary to be up-front in ones relationships or face the consequences of your actions.
I don’t believe that most have grown to the point of accepting responsibilities in polygamous relationships. Many who state that they are for this,both men and women, get mid stream and reverse their direction. We must be sincere at the beginning of the affair and not have hidden motives for involvements, e.g., money, titles, alimony or sex, etc. If these are the motives they should be revealed in the beginning of the relationship and no deceit/lies or hidden agendas. If the beginning is in this direction of truth, not only will you have a lasting relationship, but be able to “have your cake and eat it to”, meaning that everything will be shared in harmony.
more to come in my next article: Chief Odulani Ibikunle
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